Hey, that sounds just like an actual sport, only everyone loses!
In the spirit of Presidents' Day, we're looking for better presidential candidates, and we're starting with the most obvious contenders: the presidents of our local professional sports teams.
How would Pat Riley or David Beckham do if America elected them president of the United States? What sort of leader of the free world would new Marlins boss Caroline O'Connor make?
Without further ado, let's rank our sports presidents by POTUS potential, from worst to first.
5. David Beckham
president, Inter MiamiRight off the bat, we've ventured into Nonsenseland. Why? Because Inter Miami president David Beckham was born in England, thus making him ineligible to be POTUS.
Some might say we've deemed Beckham ineligible to be on this list, and in ranking him dead last have refused to bend the rules for Beckham.
It's unfortunate that Beckham is ineligible here, because of all the candidates, he undeniably possesses the most experience speaking with foreign leaders, most recently cozying up to the leaders of Qatar as the official ambassador of the World Cup. (Talk about polarizing.)
4. Pat Riley
president, Miami Heat You thought we were just going to hand over the Oval Office key to the successful basketball guy, did you? Nope. Not with the nation at stake. We can't be out here giving the nuclear briefcase to a guy because he had nice hair and drafted Dwyane Wade 20 years ago. The reality of the situation is this: Coach Riles is 77 years old, and, according to past interviews, already just about sick of putting on pants and always on the verge of deciding he'd rather spend his remaining days staring into the Pacific Ocean from the patio of one of his Malibu homes.
One is tempted to think Pat Riley would be a shrewd diplomat and leader on the world stage, but we're not so sure. His track record of handing out big contracts isn't exactly stellar of late.
3. Tom Garfinkel
(president, Miami Dolphins)Tom Garfinkel has a track record of getting things done, which alone makes him a better presidential candidate than most.
Garfinkel is the main man behind efforts that have transformed Hard Rock Stadium from a football field in Miami Gardens to a world-class sports arena that hosts everything from Formula 1 races and major tennis tournaments to (soon) the World Cup. If you're one of those people who wish the roads and airports in this country were in better shape, well, Garfinkel just might be your guy.
Garfinkel does come with a bit of baggage, though. He's closely associated with Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, a highly decorated embarrassment of a human being.
2. Caroline O'Connor
(president, Miami Marlins)We don't know much about new Miami Marlins president Caroline O'Connor, but then again, if we're being honest, we don't know much about most politicians. What we do know is that O'Connor has moved quickly up the ranks in the Marlins system since leaving the world of high finance to serve as Miami's senior vice president and chief of staff in 2017. She was promoted to chief operating officer in 2019 and now, as president, she's responsible for pretty much every aspect of running a major league baseball team.
And let's be real: O'Connor is a woman. It's far past time we switched things up and let a strong woman lead this country.
1. Matthew Caldwell
president, Florida PanthersMany of you reading this are probably saying the same thing right now: Matthew who?
You're probably muttering to yourself, Hey, how qualified for POTUS can a hockey guy be?
And the answer to that question is: Extremely. The most qualified of any president on this list.
Caldwell is a graduate of Northwestern University School of Law School and West Point. He's a U.S. Army veteran who took part in peacekeeping missions in Kosovo and combat tours in Iraq, and if you want finance-side cred, a former vice president at Goldman Sachs.
Turns out the Florida Panthers president is not only far more qualified than anyone else on this list to be president of the United States, he's more qualified than most of Congress.
