Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis shared his thoughts on the abysmal state of journalism in the country at a roundtable discussion he hosted yesterday on media ethics. Alongside a panel of lawyers and defamation case claimants, the governor played talk show host in an hour-long segment during which he attacked legacy media companies and argued for lowering the legal standard to prove defamation against public figures.
"These companies are probably the leading purveyors of disinformation in our entire society right now," DeSantis said.
Not to be outdone, we contacted our most disreputable, dishonest, disloyal sources within the Florida Department of (Dis)Education, who revealed DeSantis' plans to promote — nay mandate — his vision of ethical journalism in Florida.
Word has it that DeSantis will be issuing an executive order outlawing all existing journalism classes and creating a new mandatory course for incoming J-school students at Florida state universities, which will teach the correct, non-ideological principles of news reporting.
The course, titled "Journalism 101: Reporting the Right Way," will be taught by two of the state's most renowned journalism experts: Ron DeSantis himself and assistant professor Christina Pushaw, the governor's "Director of Rapid Response."
Through sleepless nights and sticky backroom dealings with various shadowy figures, we got our hands on a leaked copy of the mandatory DeSantis course syllabus.
Prepare to be schooled, Ronny-style.
Syllabus: JOURNALISM 101 with Professor Ron DeSantis
Objective: The aim of this course is to train you to become a megaphone of the governor's office, who dares not challenge Ron DeSantis on policy stances nor expose any allegations of wrongdoing within his administration. You will learn how to identify compelling news stories, specifically those that paint Ron in a flattering light.
The course will teach how public records aren't actually for the public and why defamation laws are slanted in favor of the media.
It goes without saying, but as a student in this course, you may not read or report on anything mentioning the words "queer," "racial profiling," "sexual identity," or "inequality."
Any reporting that touches on systemic racism will be avoided at all costs, as it may make people feel a little shameful — which is downright impolite. Concepts in this vein should be banished from the collective consciousness, so as to prevent uncomfortable reflection on historical wrongs. (The course rubric is in keeping with the DeSantis-backed Florida law restricting discussion in public schools about ingrained racism.)
At the beginning of the semester, the course will provide a brief history of how your depraved predecessors in the field of journalism should be shunned until only conservative reporters amicable to the DeSantis agenda have a voice.
As explained by assistant professor Pushaw in a discussion about the Washington Post, "My working theory is that if ALL conservatives simply stop talking to them, the legacy media will lose any shred of credibility or interest to Americans who follow politics. It won’t be worth paying for straight DNC opinion. We should use our platforms to build up new media."
Students should come out of this class ready to take the journalism world by storm as part of Christina and Ron's "new media."
Towards the end of the semester, the course will focus on why the U.S. Supreme Court needs to immediately overturn New York Times v. Sullivan, a landmark 1964 ruling that shields media companies from being gratuitously sued for publishing criticism and claims against public officials.
As noted in DeSantis' ground-breaking February 7 ethics panel, the Sullivan case established a higher standard for proving defamation against public figures — a move that has since endangered the welfare of countless common citizens, who at any moment, could be deemed "public" and thrust into the center of malicious exposés by agenda-driven mainstream media hounds.
By the end of this course, you will come to reject the unholy logic of Justice William Brennan, who stated that the United States has a "profound national commitment to the principle that debate on public issues should be uninhibited, robust, and wide-open, and that it may well include vehement, caustic, and sometimes unpleasantly sharp attacks on government and public officials."
Required reading:
NOTE: All outside books must be approved by assistant professor Pushaw before reading, to ensure they will not indoctrinate you with the woke agenda, or turn you gay.
Banned reading:
- A 500-word profile of a colleague from DeSantis' esteemed "friendly" journalists list (No exceptions)"These companies are probably the leading purveyors of disinformation in our entire society right now," DeSantis said.
Not to be outdone, we contacted our most disreputable, dishonest, disloyal sources within the Florida Department of (Dis)Education, who revealed DeSantis' plans to promote — nay mandate — his vision of ethical journalism in Florida.
Word has it that DeSantis will be issuing an executive order outlawing all existing journalism classes and creating a new mandatory course for incoming J-school students at Florida state universities, which will teach the correct, non-ideological principles of news reporting.
The course, titled "Journalism 101: Reporting the Right Way," will be taught by two of the state's most renowned journalism experts: Ron DeSantis himself and assistant professor Christina Pushaw, the governor's "Director of Rapid Response."
Through sleepless nights and sticky backroom dealings with various shadowy figures, we got our hands on a leaked copy of the mandatory DeSantis course syllabus.
Prepare to be schooled, Ronny-style.
Syllabus: JOURNALISM 101 with Professor Ron DeSantis
Objective: The aim of this course is to train you to become a megaphone of the governor's office, who dares not challenge Ron DeSantis on policy stances nor expose any allegations of wrongdoing within his administration. You will learn how to identify compelling news stories, specifically those that paint Ron in a flattering light.The course will teach how public records aren't actually for the public and why defamation laws are slanted in favor of the media.
It goes without saying, but as a student in this course, you may not read or report on anything mentioning the words "queer," "racial profiling," "sexual identity," or "inequality."
Any reporting that touches on systemic racism will be avoided at all costs, as it may make people feel a little shameful — which is downright impolite. Concepts in this vein should be banished from the collective consciousness, so as to prevent uncomfortable reflection on historical wrongs. (The course rubric is in keeping with the DeSantis-backed Florida law restricting discussion in public schools about ingrained racism.)
At the beginning of the semester, the course will provide a brief history of how your depraved predecessors in the field of journalism should be shunned until only conservative reporters amicable to the DeSantis agenda have a voice.
As explained by assistant professor Pushaw in a discussion about the Washington Post, "My working theory is that if ALL conservatives simply stop talking to them, the legacy media will lose any shred of credibility or interest to Americans who follow politics. It won’t be worth paying for straight DNC opinion. We should use our platforms to build up new media."
Students should come out of this class ready to take the journalism world by storm as part of Christina and Ron's "new media."
Towards the end of the semester, the course will focus on why the U.S. Supreme Court needs to immediately overturn New York Times v. Sullivan, a landmark 1964 ruling that shields media companies from being gratuitously sued for publishing criticism and claims against public officials.
As noted in DeSantis' ground-breaking February 7 ethics panel, the Sullivan case established a higher standard for proving defamation against public figures — a move that has since endangered the welfare of countless common citizens, who at any moment, could be deemed "public" and thrust into the center of malicious exposés by agenda-driven mainstream media hounds.
By the end of this course, you will come to reject the unholy logic of Justice William Brennan, who stated that the United States has a "profound national commitment to the principle that debate on public issues should be uninhibited, robust, and wide-open, and that it may well include vehement, caustic, and sometimes unpleasantly sharp attacks on government and public officials."
Required reading:
- Journalism 101 with Ron DeSantis, First Edition, by Ron DeSantis (2018)
- Lindell on Lindell: Mustaches, Pillows and Election Fraud, by Mike Lindell (2022)
- How to Protect Your Child From Super-Gay Groomers, by Christina Pushaw (2019)
- Fear-Mongering on the Daily, by Tucker Carlson (2020)
Banned reading:
- Associated Press Style Book
- A History of Florida: Through Black Eyes by Marvin Dunn
- Any book on journalism ethics
- South Florida Gay News
- All mainstream media except maybe Fox
- Anything critical of Ron DeSantis
- An 800-word narrative story on Florida's history (there can be no mention of the civil rights era, LGBTQ+ history, or slavery)
- A 1,000-word story about why Ron DeSantis would make a better president than Donald Trump
